A LETTER TO MY 18-YEAR-OLD SELF

Dear Saloni,

You have come a long way, 2015 seems a long time ago. At twenty-three, 18 appears so fresh and naive. It feels like an eternity.

I remember the days of your life, your favorite things include listening to music, sketching dark figures which you kept a secret from the rest of the world, reading romantic novels and then believing that kind of love exists, aching over some boys who didn’t even know you exist, writing poetry and sagas.

Your least favorite to do things? Studying for competitive exams, weekends, attending birthday parties. Third-wheeling nearly all your buddies and aiming to figure out if you fit in anywhere. (Always disappointed)

I remember how you used to fill pages of your journal with all these thoughts and never bothered to disclose them. I know you’re shy and you only pull down the barricade for a few. People who claim that they know you, barely know you at all. You are proud of who you are (never letting them know) and yet you don’t feel extraordinary in any way. You’re full of creativity and yet you disguise it. You fiercely want a connection with somebody, but you’re too quiet to be eyed by the sort of guys you have always been passionate about.

You believe in yourself and your faith is strong. You never really believe in God, your philosophy of how you look at life is completely different from others and so are you.

You wish for a fortunate future, but have no sense of how it will be like. All those beliefs and worries, anxiety and depression, sadness and sourness, thinking, and logic you don’t speak to anyone but yourself. The energy that resides inside you is the source of therapy.

At nights, when you’re vulnerable and infer what life will be like once you’re in college. Will it be the same as your high school? Will you have the same uncertainties and insecurities? The same expectations and plans? Will you be always left behind?

I’m reaching out to you via this letter to remind you that keep believing in yourself and the rest will follow.

You’ll face trials and rejections, challenges, and fear. But you’ll ultimately grow up, my adorable girl. You’ll gain confidence. You’ll find a gentleman, whom you silently wished for while reading romantic books. With a ton of tough grind and endurance, you’ll make it up to your dreams.

Eventually, you will learn to make your own conclusions and not just do what people tell you. You’ll be tested. But you’ll keep that faith you’ve spent all that time rising and evolving.

One day, when you are 23, you will look back on these days and be proud. Proud that you stayed out of trouble. Proud that you let go of toxic friendships. Proud that you challenged yourself as much as you could.

Would we be friends? 18-year-old Saloni and 23-year-old Saloni, right?

It’s hard to say. You’ve altered so much. I hope if we came across, we would at least respect each other and be satisfied by the trials and successes we find ourselves in.

To close this letter, I will end with something that you need to hear precisely at 18.

You are ample.

You are capable of love.

You are better than your Competitive scorecards.

You are better off without temporary people.

You are more responsible and honest than your parents led you to believe.

Remember, you are stronger than your anxiety. It’s gonna be okay.

With Love,
Saloni

P.S. Start Meditating, it will help keep your chaotic calm.