Dear Men,
Everybody knows it, but nobody talks about it. So, here I write to you and for you, consider me your inner voice. I’m trying to make an effort to reach out to your actual inner man.
Men cry.
Men breakdown.
Men have suicidal thoughts.
Men die by suicide.
Men suffer from mental illness.
It’s not unmanly to struggle.
In his book, What Men Don’t Tell Women About Business: Opening Up the Heavily Guarded Alpha Male Playbook, Christopher Flett claims men don’t often exhibit emotion “because they are taught that it is weak to do so. Men don’t cry! Or if they do, they’ll rarely admit to it. The truth is they do get emotional; they just don’t show it. Their fathers pull them aside and tell them to be two-faced: a private face they have outside of the public eye, and a public face that shows no weakness.”
“Big boys don’t cry” and “Take it like a man” sounds familiar.
In my previous blog, I wrote about inspiring girls and that they should empower themselves mentally. A friend of mine asked me to pen down something similar for men, emphasizing the psychological facts. So, I logged in to my Instagram account and checked for some pages and hashtags for the men’s community where I found some facts and personal feelings about what men go through and their personal experiences. Sadly I couldn’t find any. I could have Googled it but then a question rubbed my mind, why only women are discussed and written articles about, why not anything about men and their feelings. It’s rare, why?
Well, our culture is indeed developing for women’s rights as to that of men. But what is being ignored in the process is Men and Their Emotional Parameters.
All this does not happen because men are “more naturally” aggressive or violent. It happens because we teach young boys that they have to be a certain way. We teach them that certain character traits are not for them. Boys are not allowed to cry, boys are not allowed to play with dolls, boys are not allowed to like pink glitter unicorns. Children receive a constant narrative about girls being emotional princesses and boys being strong, wild, loud heroes. Men grew to process to suppress their emotions. Of course, they become toxic which is not only harmful to others but mostly to themselves.
By this, I don’t mean that masculinity is a bad thing. All I am saying is that it is unhealthy for any person not to learn how to cope with emotions and suppress their feelings. Character traits and emotions should not have a gender. Gender roles are harmful to everyone, men included. And I honestly wish more men would see that, accept that feminism is not only for women, and start an open and honest conversation about masculinity.
Therefore, you should know that masculinity isn’t about being emotional and it’s all about –
- Weeping and trying to find comfort in hugs and accepting the fact that you are mentally broken.
- Letting others see your weak side and letting go of the uneasiness and suffering by opting for an easy way.
- Feeling happiness and sadness and accepting your emotional breakdown.
- Shoving off the society and putting down the tag of manhood i.e. “Real Me Don’t Cry”
- That you can unveil your emotions.
Because I Understand. We understand that whether or not you are a man or a woman, you do feel every emotion. Being strong doesn’t mean you don’t have emotions. The best people are both strong and soft! It’s that absurd idea that being emotional isn’t ‘masculine’ but that’s also not true.
So, the next time you see a little boy crying or a man who is broke emotionally or your brother/friends suffering from mental illness or your father or uncles stressed up don’t take that shit as a manly hormone (as of what we are taught, he’s a man so he should stay strong and not weep like a woman, it’s very unmanly of him). Rather sit with them and talk about it, consolidate them of whatever the matter is, spend some time with them. Make them realize that being strong doesn’t always mean holding on to the pain and suffering in silence. Show them that busting down the patriarchy is not only beneficial for women, it’s beneficial for men also.
Bust down this idea that it’s weak for men to seek help, or to be emotional. Bust down this idea that men have to “man up”. Allow space for men to be vulnerable. Allow the space for men to seek help.
P.s. – To every man reading this, you’ve been doing excellent so far. Be a man in ethical ways. Look out for yourself and keep smiling you stunning human.
SALONI'S PEN 